Scurvy, Jolly Rogers, and a Whole Lotta Booty
by Warp
Summary: Captain Heero is almost the greatest pirate to ever sail the ocean. But will he be able to defeat his mortal enemy the Ghost Pirate Treize? Will he get more diet rum? Join the G-boys on their greatest pirate adventure ever! AU, shonen ai, silliness.
1. The Zero Star

Captain Heero is almost the greatest pirate to ever sail the ocean. But will he be able to defeat his mortal enemy the Ghost Pirate Treize? Will he get more diet rum? Join the G-boys on their greatest pirate adventure ever! AU, shonen ai, silliness. Please R&R!  
  
Author's notes: I'm currently editing this story. You know, just fixing all the little mistakes it has. Which happen to be a lot. If you wanna help me out feel free to e-mail me. Also, you can give it a review if you want. Oh, I'm not gonna write any new chapters until I finish editing it, but you can read my current fic Murder and a Music Box. It's good. That was a rather shameless plug!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. But I do own diet rum so all you slushy lushies out there can back off!!!  
  
Warning: General silliness and disregard for every character's sanity. Also, this is a pirate story so the boys are a bit shonen ai, slashy, whatever you wanna call it. But as my Shakespeare professor would say, pirates are gay. Yeah, that was deep.   
  
The Zero Star  
  
A great expanse of water spread out before the pirate ship, The Zero Star. The ocean stretched as far as the eye could see, then dropped due to the curvature of the Earth. The sky and sea meshed as they met, almost the same color blue save for the random clouds that dotted the heavens. The three great sails of the ship filled with gusts of wind that pushed it forward to its destination, Palm Beach.  
  
The Zero Star was an impressive ship, a large blue schooner with white trim. Some of the golden booty from the crew's piratey ways had been melted down and molded into the the name, The Zero Star, and they shone proudly of the port side of the ship. This beauty cut through the massive sea like a shark, fast and furious. People in every port town from Cape Town to Cancun were terrified by its very presence. Mothers would keep their children home from school, and grown men would refuse to go to work if The Zero Star was docked. It meant trouble, and at its mighty helm stood the greatest pirate to ever be afflicted with scurvy, Captain Heero Yuy.  
  
Captain Heero was a legend in his own time. Never had anyone been so brave, so daring, so entirely lacking of human emotion than he. He had attacked more passenger ships, one being the Mayflower as was rumored, than any other pirate. And he came in second for collecting the most booty. The only pirate to ever outsmart Captain Heero was the real greatest pirate to sail three of the seven seas, the ghost pirate Treize. Captain Heero would gladly have killed Treize, had he not all ready been dead. This fact was what kept Captain Heero in a perpetually bad mood, not that anyone could tell since all his moods where basically the same.  
  
At this very moment he stood at the wheel, the sea breeze blowing back his dark brown mane from where it usually dangled on his forehead. His cold blue eyes were focused on the expanse of ocean that lay ahead. He was draped in an outfit that startlingly resembled Captain Hook's. It actually was Captain Hook's, and he had picked it up at the deceased man's Estate sale, but he would never admit that. He would also never admit that he had it tailored to fit since Captain Hook stood a good six inches taller than he was. He reached a strong hand out to grasp his bottle of diet rum, because according to him even Captains have to watch their weight, but it came up empty.  
  
he cried to the first mate, and a rather tall, lanky fellow with long light brown bangs that covered half of his face appeared.   
  
Yes, Captain? he asked, his voice emotionless. He was the only other human to rival Captain Heero for lack of emotion.   
  
Where is my rum? the Captain asked, his eyes still focused on the sea.   
  
It seems to have tipped over and spilled all over the deck, Trowa replied picking up the empty bottle.  
  
Get me another, Captain Heero said turning the wheel the slightest bit to the left.   
Well Captain, we're out of rum. But we have some Coke if you'd like, Trowa explained.  
  
Captain Heero paused for a moment in contemplation. Is it diet? he finally asked.   
Trowa nodded. Of course.   
  
Bring it out then, and with that Trowa disappeared back below deck.  
  
He trotted down the stairs. His blue and white stripped shirt fit like a second skin, and the red bandana around his neck jumped slightly with every stair. He was also wearing a pair of white capris, and he would have looked extremely fashionable had he been a trophy wife vacationing in the Hamptons, but as it was he just looked silly. As he reached for a bottle of Diet Coke out of the ice box a voice spoke up behind him.  
  
Is he still mad? it asked. Trowa nodded and turned around.   
  
The voice in question belonged to a young Chinese fellow with his black hair pulled into a tight ponytail. He was shirtless and leaning back in a chair with his feet on the table.   
  
Trowa shook his head in disapproval. Wu Fei, you know the Captain doesn't like feet on his table.   
  
Wu Fei rolled his eyes. Well, the Captain's not down here is he?   
  
Trowa sighed. You shouldn't even be out here. The Captain said you were supposed to sit in the corner and think about what you did until until we reach Palm Beach.   
Wu Fei didn't like being told what to do. In all truth he probably should have became a pirate captain himself instead of a navigator, but it was too late now.   
  
It's not my fault we ended up in Haiti! The map was upside down. It could happen to anyone. And that whole zombie incident had nothing to do with me. You're the one who said we should loot the island instead of leave immediately. Which, by the way, was my idea.   
  
Trowa conceded, that had been his idea. Although, in all fairness to him, he had no idea about the powers of Voodoo Priestesses.   
  
Trowa returned to the deck, and as he handed Captain Heero the bottle of ice cold Diet Coke he asked, when should we be arriving in Palm Beach? He was anxious to get a bit of shopping done.   
  
Tomorrow morning, Captain Heero replied, and took a long refreshing sip before returning to the wheel.  
  
X  
  
Quatre Rabera Winner had never been so humiliated in his entire life. Well, scratch that, his name itself was rather embarrassing. But this was definitely too much.   
  
_Perhaps, I should have listened to my father_, the young man thought, _he was always against me vacationing at Palm Beach. In fact, he told me to stay out of Florida all together, but I never thought it could be this bad._   
  
The situation in question that had Quatre in such a state of humiliation was one that rivals the time all the boys in boarding school gave him wedgies throughout the entire day. It was even worse than when he was stripped naked, and thrown in the fountain in the dead of winter, which happened after the wedgie incident. Yes, this was much worse than either of those.  
  
Quatre was a towheaded youth with a cream complexion to match. He was startlingly beautiful. But while some might argue that this beauty was an asset, it wasn't to Quatre. For it always seemed to be the cause of trouble.   
  
Quatre hung his head down in shame. _If my father ever finds out about this I'll be disowned_, he thought and a single tear fell out of his eye.  
  
X  
  
You'll be hanged the first thing tomorrow, the overweight jailer in need of deodorant said as he threw Duo Maxwell into the waiting cell.   
  
Yeah, yeah, Duo responded as he dusted himself off. Well when do I get my last meal? Because I'd like a steak with potatoes and lots of sour cream and butter.   
  
The laugh that emanated from the jailer didn't sound promising.  
  
Here's your last supper. And he gave Duo some moldy bread and a big glass of brown liquid.   
  
Duo looked in disgust at the meager meal before him. You could have at least given me some rancid meat to go with it! he called, but the jailer was already out of range.  
  
Things did not look good for the cat burglar with the chestnut braid. He had been caught trying to steal a very large and very expensive diamond necklace from a millionaire's wife's jewelry box, and now he was on death row. Duo laid back on the cot and focused his violet eyes on the ceiling.   
  
_ This is way worse than that time I accidentally ended up in Haiti and pissed off that Voodoo priestess,_ he thought. _ I'd rather deal with zombies any day.  
_  
As Duo lay there he contemplated his life. _Maybe I should have gone straight when I had the chance. I could have opened up a little bait shop in Key West, and sold crappy souvenirs at an inflated price to gullible tourists. _ He smiled at this thought, but then shook his head. In truth, he never would have moved to Key West to open a bait shop. The thrill of stealing was in his blood. After all, he was once a pirate.   
  
Oh well, he sighed. I guess my time is finally up. I just wish I could have been out on the open sea one last time. Duo carried this thought as he drifted asleep. Things did not look good at all.


	2. The Palm Beach Fiasco

The Palm Beach Fiasco  
  
By Morning The Zero Star was closing in on its destination. Trowa sat in the look out tower, trying on various outfits because he was such a slave to fashion. But he ended up looking the exact same every time. That's what you get with twenty pairs of the same outfit, there's not much room for versatility. He popped his head out and smiled at the sight of land.   
  
_I hope I can find some great deals_, he thought before remembering he was a pirate. So he could just loot what he wanted and not leave a dime.   
  
Land Ho! he cried down to Captain Heero who still stood at the wheel.  
  
Heero looked up at his first mate, unimpressed. Trowa, the land has been in sight for the last hour. You were too busy fooling around up there to notice.   
  
Trowa leaned back, his feelings hurt. He tried so hard to look good, but no one seemed to notice his effort. They only made fun of him.   
  
Trowa, you take too long in the bathroom, _but how else would my hair be such perfection?_   
  
Trowa, you wear girl clothes, _but there was no gender specification when I bought these._   
  
He sighed. Maybe someday he could find someone to understand and appreciate him. Someday.  
  
Meanwhile, Captain Heero was pondering why exactly he had let Trowa and Wu Fei live so long. He was notorious at killing off members of his crew. Once he had killed his entire crew, and had to run the ship all alone. A mistake not to be repeated. Then it came to him, Trowa and Wu Fei were the best crew members ever aboard The Zero Star, and this simple fact depressed Captain Heero greatly.   
  
_Perhaps, I can find some more able bodied men to crew this ship along with those two._ And the corner of his mouth rose a centimeter.  
  
Wu Fei sat bitterly in the corner cursing Captain Heero's existence. His eyes burned with hate at this punishment, it was so childish. But there was nothing he could do about it. And no matter how he felt about Captain Heero at one moment, it would change in the next. He felt great admiration for the man, even if he tried to hide it.   
  
_One day I'll show Captain Heero what I'm worth,_ he thought, _and he'll respect me. I'll loot as much as I can! I'll kill everyone who steps in my way! I'll even learn to read a map correctly!_ And with that, he picked up the map and began studying it intensely.  
  
X  
  
After a horrible night of restless sleep Quatre was brought out onto the stage. He had tried to resist, to refuse, to reason, but alas rules were rules. And he had lost, this was what would have happened to anyone. Although, he found it very strange considering he was male.   
  
_That's just being sexist,_ he told himself, _here in Palm Beach they must not discriminate like that._   
  
He took his seat, and pulled at the clothes they had given him. They were not what Quatre was used to, and very uncomfortable.   
  
_I hope no one picks me,_ he thought, _maybe then I can go home. _   
  
He paused a moment on thoughts of home, but then became frightened again. _If father ever found out I'd hate to think what he would do. I'd be better off if I were killed by pirates, _and he tried to hold back his sobs._  
_  
  
X  
  
Duo awoke from the best night's sleep he'd ever gotten, and patted the cot fondly. If I lived, I would have bought something like you, he told the portable mattress, but as it is, thanks for a great night.   
  
He could see the hanging platform through the window of his cell. _They're sure efficient here in Palm Beach,_ he thought, and gazed at the ocean beyond it.   
  
Home sweet home, I'll join you soon, he told the waiting ocean. And he smiled as the jailer pulled him out of the cell.  
  
He went willingly, no need to fight after all, and kept his eyes locked on the massive sea. A ship was docking. A large schooner, blue and white. The Zero Star.   
  
If it isn't my lucky day, he whispered as they fitted the rope around his neck.   
  
Hey, that's kinda tight, he told the executioner, who only scoffed.   
  
Any last words, Mr. Maxwell? asked the presiding judge.   
  
Duo smiled. Why? I don't plan on dying.  
  
The crowd that had gathered round to watch the execution were very disappointed at these last words, but that didn't bother Duo in the least. He meant it. Even as they positioned his feet over the trap door, and tightened the noose around his neck.  
  
X  
  
After they docked there had been some degree of commotion around, but Trowa wasn't paying too much attention. He had a task to accomplish, and nothing would distract him. Only now, after wandering around the tourist strip malls he was becoming distracted. There was absolutely nothing he wanted to loot. Sure, the new shipment of Beanie Babies were cute, but they were so five minutes ago. He wanted something useful, and beautiful. Then he heard it, a call. Just what he was looking for.   
  
Wench for sale.  
  
Trowa hurried toward the sound. He had heard that wenches could be extremely useful. They were supposed to cook and clean, which The Zero Star needed. But they were also supposed to be kind, and caring. Which was just what Trowa needed.   
  
As he neared he saw a small stage lined with various wenches, some tall, some short, some skinny, some fat. But none of these caught his attention. For his eyes were fixed on the most beautiful wench of all.  
  
X  
  
Captain Heero had no idea what had gotten into Wu Fei, who had been carrying on like an mental case when he jumped on the dock. But he didn't spend too much time worrying about it. Wu Fei's mental health had always been questioned by the Captain. Besides, he was on a very important mission. Restoring the supply of diet rum to The Zero Star, and there was no place better to do this than Joe's Rum Emporium. There was no other rum emporium with such a grand selection, plus they let you have free samples.   
  
As he neared the warehouse that Joe's Rum Emporium was located in, he noticed all the windows had been boarded up.   
  
he said aloud to himself, and ran to find out why.   
  
When he arrived at the door he noticed a note nailed to it, he hoped it read: Gone fishing, or something else non permeant. To his heart's dismay, it was much grimmer, reading: Joe's Rum Emporium has been put out of business by the constant looting of pirates, such as Captain Heero. Please try another dealer for your rum needs.  
  
This was horrible news, and Captain Heero took it as such. Although no one watching him would have noticed anything different about his composer. Then he walked away in search of another rum shop.  
  
X  
  
_Okay,_ thought Wu Fei, _this had better work. _ Then he jumped off The Zero Star.   
  
This here is the great pirate Captain Heero Yuy!!! he screamed at the crowd, pulling out his cutlass. If you don't run we will strike you down dead!!! We will loot your houses and take any booty was want!!!! Be afraid of us, or die!!!!!   
  
As Wu Fei spouted this rehearsed speech he smiled to himself. The crowd was scattering, and two large men where approaching him with knives. He laughed at their meager effort.  
  
Weren't you listening to me? I said be afraid or die!!! And he threw five razor sharp Chinese stars in there direction. Three hit, the other two were lost.  
  
He then cut down the attacking men and screamed at the top of his lungs. Anyone remaining fled for their life from this seemingly insane Chinese man, and Wu Fei stood alone on the dock with a smile resting on his lips. Mission accomplished.  
  
X  
  
Duo really didn't have an escape plan, he only hoped his prayers would be answered. So even he was surprised when the rope around his neck broke right before they released the trap door and he fell through it.   
  
As he coughed and rubbed his neck he laughed. Thank you, God. I knew it wasn't my time. Then he looked up to see the cause of his death defying escape. Could it be a beautiful woman who couldn't stand to see such a handsome man hang? Well, no. All he saw was a Chinese star lodged into the wood next to the rest of the rope.  
  
X  
  
Quatre had only been on the auction block for ten minutes, but the price was already sky high. He couldn't understand it. Why did everyone want to purchase him? And even more perplexing, why did everyone believe he was a wench?   
  
As the price rose a young man stepped out from the crowd, a musket in his hand.   
  
I'll take that wench, he said, motioning the gun toward Quatre. But, I'll take her for free. And if anyone tries to stop me, beware. I am a crew member on Captain Heero's ship, The Zero Star. With this simple declaration Quatre could see the crowd shake in its boots.  
  
_He must be a pirate,_ Quatre thought, _but I've never heard of this Captain Heero. Is he more dreaded than the ghost pirate Treize? If he was I'm sure I would have heard about his looting._ All this was racing through innocent Quatre's head as the horrible pirate grabbed him by the arm. Although, this pirate didn't look particularly horrible. Just silly. In fact, Quatre was sure his mother had the exact same outfit. Of course he didn't say any of this to the pirate. He just hurried along with him as fast as he could, and lifted up his skirt to avoid getting too dirty.  
  
X  
  
The Rum District was a place where all the drunkards of Palm Beach came for their fill of the brown alcohol. They staggered along the street, from bar to bar, rum shop to rum shop, in search of more booze. Needless to say, rum was quite the popular drink. Captain Heero had been fond of rum since he was a child and his mother weaned him on it. It was amazing he hadn't become a lush, but the rum didn't have an affect on him in the least. He strolled through the district disgusted by the masses of drunks, kicking some that got in his way.  
  
He entered a promising looking rum dealer and approached the man at the counter. I want forty barrels of diet rum delivered to my ship, The Zero Star, immediately, Captain Heero demanded.   
  
The man at the counter looked at him for a moment in confusion. What the bloody hell is diet rum? he finally asked.   
  
Captain Heero, being the pirate that he is, does not stand for such insubordination. He drew his cutlass and pressed it to the unfortunate man's neck.   
  
Diet rum, he explained, is rum with fifty percent less calories than the original, but still contains the rummy flavor we all enjoy.   
  
The man's eyes were wide with panic. Oh, we call that skinny rum. It's in the back. I'll get some blokes to deliver it for you.   
  
Captain Heero lowered his cutlass and exited the shop, pleased with himself.  
  
X  
  
After taking a moment to regain his breath, Duo headed for the docked ship. He hurried onboard and below deck without a soul noticing, thanks to that Chinese guy causing such a ruckus. He took a moment to raid the icebox and make a sandwich. Then finally settled down by a window to watch the crew return.   
  
I never thought I'd be a stowaway, he said, taking a bite out of the sandwich.   
  
He watched the crazy Chinese guy jump back on board, followed by two men dressed in women's clothing. This caused Duo to raise an eyebrow, but pirates were known for being rather odd. Then he watched twenty men with two barrels a piece load the ship, they were directed by a guy who was dressed like Captain Hook.   
  
_But he died five years ago,_ Duo thought shrugging it off.  
  
He eventually leaned back and smiled at himself. I told you I'd be back, baby, he said and closed his eyes for a brief nap.


	3. The Stowaway and the Wench

The Stowaway and the Wench  
  
The Zero Star set off from Palm Beach after the diet rum had been securely brought on board. Trowa decided not to introduce anyone to his new wench until they were far enough out to sea, that way Captain Heero couldn't kick her off. Of course, he could always just make her walk the plank, but Trowa was sure that after he saw how beautiful she was he'd be glad to let her stay.  
  
Once land was out of sight, Trowa lead the wench to the helm to meet with Captain Heero and Wu Fei. They both looked up from their mugs of diet rum and stared at the approaching angel. Quatre was feeling incredibly uneasy, and kept fidgeting with the floor length skirt.   
  
Captain Heero, Wu Fei, this is my new wench, Trowa explained and put his arm around Quatre's waist.   
  
Captain Heero took Quatre's hand and kissed it. Hello, beautiful wench, he said, his voice in a daze.   
  
Ummm. . . . Quatre started, but Wu Fei interrupted.   
  
You are the most beautiful wench ever, he said taking Quatre's other hand and showering it with kisses.  
  
Now Quatre was extremely uncomfortable, but he didn't know what to do. _ If I tell them,_ he thought, _they may kill me because I'm not a wench._ His worries were interrupted by a sudden outburst by Trowa.   
  
She's my wench!!! he screamed, knocking the other men's lips from Quatre's hands. I claimed her, so no touching. Or I'll kill you! And Trowa meant it, for his hand was hovering above his cutlass.   
  
Captain Heero drew his. Don't make promises you can't keep. And don't forget who the Captain of this ship is.   
  
Trowa backed up and prepared for a duel. He knew that dueling with Captain Heero meant one of two things, either kill him or die. Trowa didn't plan on the latter.  
  
Quatre watched in horror as the two pirates went at each other. He couldn't let this happen, not for him. Especially when they assumed he was a wench. So he did the only thing that came into his mind, he jumped overboard.  
  
Unfortunately, Trowa and Captain Heero were far too absorbed in their sword fight to notice the wench jump into the water. And Quatre would have entered a watery grave if Wu Fei hadn't been planning on jumping on the wench and taking her below deck to keep her, umm, safe, while Captain Heero and Trowa killed each other. When he saw her go over, he did the first thing that popped into his head. He grabbed the fishing net and threw it on top of her, then reeled her in.   
  
_What a bad wench,_ he thought,_ running away from the disturbance she caused.  
_  
As Wu Fei helped untangle the waterlogged wench from the net he noticed something. A very unwenchlike bulge poking through the soaked dress.   
  
Quatre coughed and looked up at Wu Fei. _What is he staring at now,_ he thought and got up.   
  
Wu Fei backed up. What's in your knickers, wench? Did you steal a potato or something?   
  
It took a moment for Quatre to catch on. _A potato? _ He thought a moment before realizing what the Chinese fellow was referring to.  
  
No I didn't steal a potato and shove it down my knickers. This is all just a very large misunderstanding. I'm not a wench. I'm Quatre Raberba Winner. He stated this loud enough for the fighting pirates to hear, which they did, and stopped dead in their tracks.   
  
You're not a wench then? Trowa finally managed.   
  
Quatre shook his head. No. I lost a wet T-shirt contest, and the penalty is to be sold as a wench. Only the men in Palm Beach wouldn't listen when I told them I wasn't a wench. All three pirates stood in shock for several minutes. How could this beautiful wench not even be a wench at all but a man like them?  
  
Captain Heero finally spoke, Did you say your name was Winner, boy?   
  
Quatre nodded. Quatre Raberba Winner.   
  
Trowa caught on. Then that would make you heir to the Winner fortune.   
  
Once again Quatre agreed, although he was a bit confused. You see, he was exceptionally smart but very naive.   
  
Captain Heero began, you must be very important to your father then?   
  
My father, Quatre said and looked down trying to hold back his tears. My father will disown me once he finds out about this. And I know he'll find out. He finds out about everything.  
  
Captain Heero nodded slightly in understanding. Well, if you have nothing to go back to you can join my crew. Can you cook and clean?   
  
Quatre's eyes rose to meet the others. Well, yes. Do you mean it? I can be a pirate? All his life he had longed for adventure, and now it was coming true. He was filled with more glee than can be described by words alone.   
  
Trowa patted his back. I'll take him below deck and show him around, Captain.   
  
Of course, agreed Captain Heero, and get him something suitable to wear.  
  
A plan was bubbling in Captain Heero's brain as he watched the innocent disappear below deck. The Winner family was extremely wealthy. If Quatre was to be disowned this was the perfect chance to get the largest amount of booty imaginable, and beat the ghost pirate Treize once and for all.  
  
Trowa was very pleased at Captain Heero's decision to allow Quatre to stay as a crew member. Another person to talk to meant that maybe, just maybe, Quatre would understand him. He quickly showed him around below, the kitchen, the bunks, and the bathroom. Then he went to his chest and pulled out some clean clothes for the youth to wear. Of course it was the same thing Trowa was wearing.  
  
Quatre smiled at his generosity. Thank you so much, I'll go put this on straight away. And he hurried into the bathroom to strip off the wet dress.   
  
He pulled on the ridiculous outfit and instead of tying the red bandana around his neck, he fitted it on his head. _A true pirate,_ he thought, and smiled at himself in the mirror. The clothes were a bit baggy on him so he didn't look nearly as stupid as Trowa.   
  
After a bit, he emerged from the bathroom and Trowa smiled. Wow, the clothes are a bit baggy, but they still look good. And I love what you did with the bandana.   
  
Quatre smiled and blushed slightly.   
  
Wu Fei was royally annoyed that Captain Heero had let that weakling join the crew. He wasn't even a classically trained pirate, just a spoiled little rich boy who ran away from home. He kept on with these thoughts as made his way back to his alone place, but to his surprise when he got there he wasn't alone.   
  
A person was lying in his very favorite spot with his blanket pulled up to their chin. Usually, Wu Fei would have killed this stowaway and asked questions later, but there was something about the chestnut braid that fell down the slender back that made him pause.   
  
_Another wench,_ he thought, and crept over to her sleeping form. _She is probably the most beautiful wench in the world,_ and he crawled on top of her to gaze at her lovely face.  
  
Duo wasn't sure what was going on, but someone was sitting on top of him and he had the feeling it wasn't a beautiful woman. _Better play along,_ he told himself, and continued pretending to be asleep.   
  
Then whoever it was began rubbing their hand close to his, uhh hum, and Duo drew the line. He didn't like being molested while pretending to sleep. So he punched the person square in the nose and sat up.  
  
Okay, buddy. Keep your hands to yourself.  
  
Wu Fei was knocked back off of the sleeping wench and looked up as she spoke. Her voice was so deep! Wait a minute, she's not a wench!!! And for that to have happened twice in one day is not good luck.   
  
he yelled at the top of his lungs and picked up Duo who was busy plugging his ears in an attempt to save his ear drums.  
  
Hey, I was just gonna tag along until the next port. Really, I didn't think anyone would even find out. As you can tell, Duo was no good at talking his way out of situations.   
Wu Fei pulled him on deck. We'll let the Captain decide what to do with you. And with that he tossed the stowaway at Captain Heero's booted feet. A stowaway, Captain, Wu Fei explained, and Captain Heero looked down at the braided boy.  
  
Duo studied the boots a moment. _Definitely Captain Hook,_ he thought and looked up at the man standing above him. After a moment recognition set in and the Captain looked considerably surprised, very unusual for him.   
  
Duo stood up and smiled. Well hello, Heero. It's been a while.   
  
After the Captain regained his composer he nodded. Yes, Duo. It has.


	4. The Lumpiest Porridge Ever

The Lumpiest Porridge Ever  
  
The Winner Plantation sat on an extensive piece of South Carolinian farm land, five hundred acres of the best unused fields in the whole entire state. Mr. Winner was very big on privacy, so no one but family members and a handful of employees were ever allowed on the grounds themselves. The Winner family had a great fortune, although no one but Mr. Winner was absolutely sure how it had been acquired. There were rumors of mysterious ships docking at the dead of night outside the plantation, but those were only rumors.   
  
Right at this moment all the employees were mysteriously absent, and a very strange man was being lead down the hall by Mr. Winner toward the study. As soon as they entered the room Mr. Winner turned to his companion. So you know were my son is then?   
  
The other man nodded, I have an idea. Then a sinister looking smile spread across his lips, I believe he is aboard The Zero Star.   
  
Mr. Winner was taken aback, the Zero Star, why that's Captain Heero Yuy's ship. What has he done with my Quatre?   
  
The other man's smile widened, Captain Heero hasn't done anything. In fact, I believe Quatre has joined his crew.   
  
Mr. Winner stood very still for several minutes before finally speaking, then my son has shown his true colors. I must admit I'm rather shocked, I always thought he was such a sissy.   
  
The other man nodded, Yes, but sometimes even sissies can amaze us.  
  
Quatre had gotten to work right away in the kitchen, he had scrubbed it spotless, which took awhile considering the bad shape the stove was in. And now he was ready to cook. It would be something grand, something delicious, something pirates would talk about for years to come. Who is the greatest pirate chef? Why, Quatre Raberba Winner of course. He smiled at this thought, yes, this will be a meal to remember.  
  
he asked the boy who was lounging at the table with a diet rum, where is the pantry?   
  
The boy pointed at a unreasonably tiny cupboard, Right there, that's all the food we have.   
  
Quatre opened it, but even as he did his heart was sinking, and once he looked inside his greatest fears where confirmed. There was nothing except a bag of something that looked like yellowish brown flour.  
  
What is this stuff? Quatre asked as he removed it from the cupboard.   
  
Oh, that's dry porridge, Trowa explained. You see, pirates eat only three different kinds of food, porridge, gruel and slop. You're just lucky we have a good deal of porridge right now.   
  
Quatre nodded, yeah, I'd hate to see what gruel and slop are.   
  
Trowa giggled, No, that's not why your lucky. It's because porridge is the easiest thing to make. Gruel is somewhat harder, but to make a good pot of slop takes real talent.   
Quatre smiled out of fear, well, uh, how do you make porridge then?   
  
Oh, that's easy, Trowa said, you just add water.  
  
Wu Fei stood in a profound state of shock as the previous revelation sunk into his brain. Captain Heero and this stowaway, Duo, knew one another. He looked from the face of his stoic captain to the slight grin on the face of the Duo fellow.  
  
Well, aren't you going to explain this? How do you know this rat, Captain Heero?  
  
He said nothing, but Duo spoke up just as well. I always knew you'd be a Captain one day, Heero. You always had the ambition. But I just never figured you would go and steal the suit off our dead Captain, and change the name of his ship to fit your needs.   
  
Captain Heero's cheeks turned a slight shade of red, which signified great anger bubbling up in his blood. I didn't steal anything. I had this suit custom made, and this ship I won in a poker game. Now lets get on to you, Duo Maxwell, why didn't you die on that deserted island we marooned you on for mutiny?   
  
Duo laughed cruelly, it wasn't deserted at all. It was inhabited by a very lively Voodoo Priestess and her hoard of brain sucking zombies. Luckily, they're were also plenty of tropical fruits to choose from and make fruity alcoholic concoctions. Otherwise I might have been sober through the whole ordeal. Captain Heero looked down, how embarrassing, especially in front of Wu Fei.  
  
He regained his momentarily lost composer and said, that doesn't explain how you escaped, Duo.   
  
Duo continued, I built a boat made from banana trees and sailed to Florida.  
  
Captain Heero looked at him suspiciously. He had known Duo for a long time, and he never was very handy. No, Duo was a thief and a pirate at heart, not a carpenter. Duo got the gist of the Captain's stare.  
  
All right, so I didn't build a banana boat. I stole the Voodoo Priestess boat and a lot of her trinkets. I was going to sell them back on the main land, but I got attacked by another pirate. His ship was huge, and surrounded by a kind of greenish mist. He stole the trinkets and the ship, but he put me in a long boat and pointed it toward Louisiana.  
  
Captain Heero couldn't believe what he was hearing. The Ghost Pirate Treize, he whispered absently.   
  
Wu Fei chipped in, Yeah, it sure sounds like him. But what would he want with voodoo trinkets?   
  
Duo shrugged, beats the hell out of me.   
  
And Captain Heero looked at him coldly, but then he always looked a people that way. Don't give me any ideas, Duo.   
  
Although he was enjoying this, Wu Fei interrupted his Captain, so what are we going to do with him? Make him walk the plank? Feed him to the sharks? Maroon him on a deserted island? Beat him to death with coconuts? Shove bananas down him throat until he chokes? Duo, being unfamiliar with the Chinese man's extreme nature, raised an eyebrow.  
  
Captain Heero stood in thought a moment. All of Wu Fei's ideas sounded tempting, but he was sure Duo could help in his quest to outsmart the ghost pirate Treize. He was a thief by the way, a master thief. And Captain Heero also couldn't deny that he was a damn good pirate. I would like you to stay aboard The Zero Star as a crew member, Duo. I believe we can overcome our past and work together.  
  
Duo nodded in agreement, sure, why not? But he smelled something fishy. It might have been Wu Fei, who had been messing around with the fishing net earlier, but then Duo didn't trust Captain Heero. He didn't do things that were nice unless there was something in it for him. Something big.  
  
Wu Fei stood in absolute shock. For the second time in one day Captain Heero had allowed a weakling to join his prestigious crew. What could the Captain be thinking? Had the years of drinking massive amounts of diet rum finally gone to his head? Well, there was no other explanation. In the midst of these thoughts he was interrupted by a familiar voice.   
  
It was Trowa yelling,   
  
When the party of three reached the dining area it was set as beautifully as it possibly could be, but it was quite amazing what Quatre could do with some potato sacks and toothpicks. He was a regular Martha Stewart. Quatre had worked hard on the presentation for fear of the meal its self. You see, although he had truly tried to make smooth, creamy porridge it hadn't turned out the way. At first it was only a couple of big lumps, but as he tried harder to break them up, more and more kept appearing. Now, it was a mass of lumps in various bowls around the table.   
  
Quatre watched the other pirates take there seats, including one he had never met before. His heart was racing as he watched the Captain blowing on a spoonful of piping hot lumps of porridge. Please, he said to himself, please like it and don't kill me.  
  
The other pirates were very impressed by the lovely layout, although they weren't sure where a table cloth and mats had come from. Captain Heero was pleased with this, he always liked nice things, and his diet rum had been set out in a mug with a charming little umbrella. He took a spoonful of the porridge and blew on it before putting it in his mouth. It was the most delicious porridge ever, and he and the other pirates inhaled their bowls in two minutes flat.   
  
That was the best porridge ever, Captain Heero said to the blonde.   
  
Trowa chipped in, and you are the best pirate chef ever.   
  
Quatre was absolutely glowing, you like it, you really like it!   
  
Then to everyone's surprise Wu Fei added, of course, Quatre. You may be a man, but you cook like a wench. And that was a very big compliment coming from Wu Fei.  
  
That was when Duo recognized the pirate cook. He had been the wench who lost the wet T-shirt contest in Palm Beach the day before. Duo had watched that contest before leaving to steal the necklace. But then another revelation hit Duo, he was also Quatre Winner, heir to the Winner fortune. He had seen his photo in Millionaires Digest when deciding on who to relieve of what. It all made perfect sense. Duo smiled at his observational skills, and went to take a sip of the alcohol in his mug. But after it entered his mouth, he promptly spit it out.   
  
Ahhh!! What the hell is this stuff?!? he exclaimed as he tried to get the taste out of his mouth.  
  
Captain Heero looked at Duo as he spit out the diet rum. What a waste of perfectly good diet rum, he thought. It's diet rum, Duo.   
  
Duo couldn't contain his laughter, why do you drink diet rum? Do you drink diet Coke, too?   
  
The Captain remained unaffected, do you have any idea how many calories are in regular rum? I may be a pirate captain, but I have to watch what I eat in order to fit into my outfit. Duo calmed his fits of laughter and took another sip, it was, after all, alcohol.  
  
A green mist surrounded the ship that was trailing The Zero Star. Its captain stood at the helm. His translucent form watching the distant ship as it continued along its course.


	5. The Art of Swashbuckling

The Art of Swashbuckling  
  
Pirates should never let their guard down, it's just not good business. But unfortunately this is what the pirate crew aboard The Zero Star had done. And while they were busy below deck being merry, a large ship had silently pulled up beside them. This ship was very unusual indeed. It was a bit bigger than The Zero Star, and green, or maybe the mist the emanated from it just made it appear so. It was also amazing that this glowing green ship could stay afloat considering it had a large hole in its port side, and was completely see through. But then, the boats of ghost pirates often defy logic.  
  
When the crew finally emerged from below it was already too late for an escape attempt. There was nothing left to do but fight, and that is what pirates are best at, besides of course, looting, and drinking.   
  
Captain Heero called everyone to there places, Trowa, you and Quatre man the cannons. Duo, Wu Fei and I will fight hand to hand. Now, while this may seem like a good idea Captain Heero was forgetting one simple fact, they were fighting ghost pirates. And they are considerably different than normal living pirates, they are even more difficult to fight then zombie pirates.  
  
The transparent figures of ghost pirates began floating aboard the ship, and the fight began. Trowa sat scrunched next to Quatre giving him the quickest how to load a cannon lesson ever administered. Luckily this is where Quatre's intelligence came into play and he caught on very quickly.  
  
I understand how this works, Trowa. He told the other pirate as he was preparing to fire, but have you noticed the cannon balls just fall through the ship, and don't cause any damage?   
  
Trowa watched the next ball as it fell into the water right through the ship. He could feel his heart sinking, they had never actually had to face ghost pirates before, and he had no idea what to do. Well, if the cannons don't work we may as well stay alive as long as we can. And with that he grabbed Quatre's hand and ran back below deck.  
  
The Captain, Wu Fei, and Duo where in a similar pickle. Every time they drove a cutlass, or shot a bullet at one of the ghost pirates it went straight through them without the slightest effect. Wu Fei respected his Captain too much to mention this dilemma, Duo did not.   
  
Duo said, do you notice that this is getting us absolutely no where, Heero? Captain Heero glared at the other pirate, no it hadn't occurred to me, Duo. Thanks for pointing it out.   
  
Duo laughed as he continued to slash at an annoying women ghost pirate with long brown hair and a mean looking sword. I'm glad to help, he said avoiding the advancing ghost piratess.  
  
Wu Fei was busy trying his screaming, threatening, and Kung Fu style of fighting on them. It worked on the docks, he thought, and did a Waa Saa on a ghost pirate that got too close for his comfort. This was going nowhere, but he had to keep fighting. They didn't have a choice.  
  
As the fighting drew to a close it was overly obvious who had the advantage. The ghost pirates had tied every crew member up, including Trowa and Quatre who they had found nestled snugly in a closet. Now there was no escape, and a large man boarded the ship. The bottom half of his body disappeared into a mist.   
  
Captain Heero looked up at him. The ghost pirate Treize, he said recognizing him as the only ghost pirate brave enough to attack The Zero Star. What the hell do you want with us! he shouted, but Treize only smiled and picked up a musket, he had a job to do.   
  
First he took out the Captain, then one by one the other crew members. He knocked them over the head in order to render them unconscious. But Duo noticed something before the ghost pirate knocked him over the head. A necklace that hung from the ghost pirates neck. He'd seen it before.  
  
An extremely bright sun beat down on the white sand beach, and Duo had a major headache, and something grimy in his mouth. Sand, he thought, as he spit it out and sat up. He looked around him and saw every other member of The Zero Star lying unconscious on the beach as well. At least, he hoped they were unconscious because sand is not good for burials. He walked over to the nearest pirate, who happened to be Wu Fei, and kicked him square in the ribs. Hey, Wu Wu. You alive? The chinese pirate moved, which was good enough for Duo so he moved on to the Captain.  
  
Captain Heero swore he would kill whoever was kicking him in the ribs when he built up enough strength. We've been marooned, he thought, and opened his eyes. His fear was confirmed, but to his delight at least he spotted trees behind Duo's braid which was dangling in his face. You're awake, Duo said, too bad. I really thought they'd kill you. Considering your the captain and all.   
  
Captain Heero sat up trying not to let on how badly his head hurt. So sorry to disappoint you.  
  
Duo woke up Trowa in the same manner he had the previous two, but when he got to Quatre he just couldn't bring himself to kick him in the ribs. He had to admit, Quatre was one pretty man. So instead of a kick, he gave him a gentle nudge which did the trick.  
Once everyone was awake and headache free they sat in the shade of the palms, and sucked on some coconut drinks that Duo had mixed up.   
  
This is great, complimented Quatre, although he was a bit annoyed he couldn't do it.   
  
said Duo, I guess getting stuck on Haiti was good for one thing. They all nodded in agreement.   
  
Trowa asked, Where do you suppose we are?   
  
Captain Heero turned to their navigator who was licking out the last of his coconut drink.   
  
How am I supposed to know? Wu Fei said once he noticed everyone staring at him.   
  
the Captain began, you are the navigator.   
  
Wu Fei shrugged, I don't have my maps. I was knocked out when we got thrown here, and this could be any island in the Caribbean.  
  
They all looked around. No one said it, but for once Wu Fei was right. They had no idea where they were. Plus, they had no food or diet rum. To put it lightly, things looked grim.   
  
Trowa stared off into the depths of the jungle whose edge kissed the sand. I don't know, he said, there is something familiar about this place. The other pirates followed Trowa's gaze, a gentle pounding was emanating from that direction. Like a drum.


	6. The Heart of, Well, You Know

The Heart of, Well, You Know  
  
Voodoo Priestess Relena sat in her little grass hut fashioning a new bone necklace. They were apparently the new trend, and Relena wasn't one to let a trend pass without trying it out first. She sat by the light of the fire meticulously tying the bits of bone and string together. This would be the greatest necklace ever, she thought, and smiled at her own handy work.  
  
Each crew member of The Zero Star was trying desperately to get some sleep, but none came. It wasn't that they weren't tired, but something was hanging in the air. Something was waiting to happen, and that anticipation kept them all awake. The pounding sound was all around them, inside them, or maybe that was just their own hearts beating. Who could tell? Not one of them was ready to admit how terrified they were to be stranded on an island, weaponless, and haunted by a mysterious drumming. Besides, pirates don't fear anything, pirates create fear.  
  
Finally, Duo sat up from his sandy bed and looked at his comrades. Quatre was curled up into the smallest ball he could force his body into, while the rest lied sprawled in various directions.   
  
I can't take it anymore, he said breaking the silence.   
  
They all opened their eyes and looked at him, but no one spoke. I gotta find out what the hell that drumming is, Duo said rising to his feet.   
  
To his surprise Trowa jumped up to stop him. But we have no idea what it could be, he started, what if it's a cannibalistic tribe? Or crazy flesh eating monkeys? Or something even worse!   
  
Quatre sat up, his eyes wide with fear. What could be worse than crazy flesh eating monkeys?   
  
Captain Heero looked at him, Oh, there are somethings much worse. And Quatre wasn't sure if it was the small fire casting shadows, or if Captain Heero had just smiled.   
  
Wu Fei finally sat up to join the conversation. If it's monkeys we can lure them in with bananas, then beat them over the head with clubs.   
  
Trowa shook his head, no, don't you get it Wu Fei? If they're flesh eating monkeys they won't respond to bananas. They'll want flesh. Fresh, meaty flesh!   
  
Duo grabbed a large branch and lit it in the fire. Well, whatever is out there, monkeys or not, I'm going to find out! And with that he began to trek into the abysmal jungle.  
  
Since pirates are naturally adventuresome none of them could give up this chance. Or let Duo hog all the glory, so they all made torches and followed suit. Even Quatre tagged along, gripping tightly onto Trowa's shirt and trying not to imagine being eaten alive by insane monkeys.  
  
Mr. Winner hated Haiti. It was too shabby and no chic. But when things had to be done he was the only man for the job. And Haiti was were it had to happen. He smiled to himself as he moved closer to his destination. Yes, this was business, and how good it felt to be back.  
  
The high pitched screeches were fraying everyone's nerves. No one knew what kind of dastardly new villain hid in the surrounding jungle, and all the pirates had were makeshift torches and their own wit to use against it. Lucky for them pirates come with an extra heap of wit.  
  
Captain Heero had taken the lead, and no one felt bad about it in the least, even Duo. If anything jumped out in front of them the Captain would go down first, and give the rest of them a reasonably good chance of getting away. Of course, no one would admit they were thinking about that. It was extremely unpiratelike to abandon ones captain.  
  
Captain Heero knew he should be headed in the direction of the pounding, but he couldn't figure out which direction it was coming from. At one moment it seemed the left, the next the right, but he trudged forward anyway. They would find something, and he knew it wouldn't be pleasant.  
  
The torches were casting unnatural shadows around the surrounding jungle, and making it appear more menacing. If that was possible. Quatre's nails were digging deeper into Trowa's shirt. He couldn't help it, he was so frightened of the flesh eating primates that he wasn't paying attention to how hard he was pulling, and then he heard a rip. Oh no, he thought as the pirate turned around. He squinted his eyes shut and prepared for the blow, but nothing happened.   
  
As he slowly opened his eyes again he noticed Trowa was smiling at him. It's all right, Quatre. I can always get another shirt, he said reassuringly. Quatre nodded and looked at the rip in the shirt. He never knew his own strength, he thought, and smiled.  
  
Wu Fei noticed the little moment Trowa and the blondie were having and rolled his dark eyes. Now isn't the time or the place for that kind of thing, he whispered loudly and moved forward. He glanced back just in time to see Quatre blush, but tripped on a root that was sticking out of the ground.   
  
Duo turned around and burst into laughter. Hey, Wu Wu. Have a nice trip?   
  
Wu Fei mumbled a Chinese expletive under his breath, and pulled Duo off his feet. Duo hit the ground hard, and Wu Fei let a laugh escape his lips. How did you enjoy yours, Duo?  
  
Duo was busy untangling himself from a vine when he and Wu Fei noticed Captain Heero had turned to look at them. If one could tell the slightest nuance in his composer they would know he was not pleased. Would you two stop fooling around. This is serious, I have a bad feeling. . . .   
  
He stopped his sentence short because he noticed something looking out from the wild. Eyes. Countless sets of cold, inhuman eyes.


	7. How to Hex: A Beginners Guide

How to Hex: A Beginners Guide  
  
Mr. Winner had entered the village a bit later than he had planned, and walked into the main hut in the middle of town. A dirty female face looked up to greet him, and she spread her lips into a toothless grin. You've finally arrived, she screeched.  
  
He nodded trying not to show his repulsion. Yes, is it all ready? He glanced around the hut for the object in question.  
  
The hag shook her finger playfully at him, patience. It is almost ready. Tomorrow you will have it, but first get some sleep. She crawled over to a corner and pulled out a mat dusting it off. Mr. Winner smiled weakly and took a seat.  
  
Fear coursed through everyone's veins at the sight of the eyes. Quatre tried to hold back his sobs, but he was deathly afraid of monkeys. Trowa held up his torch like a sword, and the other pirates followed his lead. If there was going to be an attack they would go down fighting.  
  
Duo's eyes darted from bush to bush. There was something so oddly familiar about this. The island, the eyes, that necklace on the ghost Pirate Trieze. If only he could put his finger on it.  
  
Captain Heero sniffed the air. Flesh. He knew what the eyes were now, and he was right, it wasn't pleasant at all. He studied there position. Why aren't they attacking? He thought, and looked harder. Then he saw it, and he frowned ever so slightly.  
  
Why are they just standing there? Wu Fei blurted breaking the silence.  
  
They're trying to lead us somewhere, Captain Heero said, and pointed at the clearing to the left.  
  
Wu Fei gritted his teeth in aggravation. Why don't we just attack them, Captain?   
  
Captain Heero shook his head, no good. Plus, you wouldn't want to.  
We Fei was usually never alarmed, but the tone in his Captain's voice startled him. What could they be?  
  
After an extended moment of silence Duo shrugged his shoulders, why don't we just go where they want to lead us? I'm tired of standing here. Then he looked directly at Captain Heero. You're some Captain, Heero. Can't even lead your own crew.  
  
Anger was bubbling up below the Captain's calm surface, and Duo smiled at his slightly grinding teeth. No one was going to tell him he couldn't lead his men, no matter what the risk. He pushed past Duo into the clearing, and motioned for the crew to follow him. There was no turning back now.  
  
After walking for what seemed like an age they noticed the glimmer of a fire in the distance. As the pirates approached they watched the flames dance through the breaks in the trees. It was a village, with small grass and mud huts, and they cautiously walked toward the fire.  
  
Quatre still clung onto Trowa, and he couldn't quite put his finger on what that smell was, but he figured Trowa just needed a good bath. He feared that he would never get to take a bath again, or smell a Zest fully clean Trowa. And this was a very depressing thought.  
  
The eyes were still staring out from the surrounding jungle, and Duo had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. This was all way too familiar, and that smell. What could it be? It was like something decomposing, and he raised his hand to plug his nose.  
  
Good one, Duo, Wu Fei said plugging his nose as well.  
  
That wasn't me, Wu Wu. It something else, something dead. As Duo spoke the words recognition hit him. I know where we are, he said trying to keep his voice from shaking.   
  
Trowa nodded in agreement, after all, how could he ever forget?  
  
Where?!?! And what the hell are those things?!? Wu Fei shouted annoyed that everyone seemed to know besides him.  
  
See for yourself, Captain Heero said, and pointed as the eyes began emerging from the jungle.  
  
Voodoo Priestess Relena waited patiently for her guest to nod off before continuing her task at hand. He was a greedy man, she knew that for sure. But the necklace would be no good half finished. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, and continued to work ignoring the rest of the world.  
  
A horrific site emerged from the jungle. The eyes that had been watching them were inside heads of decomposing flesh. Large hunks hung threatening to fall any moment, and bones jutted from beneath the rotting surface.   
  
The smell increased so much that Quatre had to cover his mouth to keep from losing his meager supper. Captain Heero was right, he thought, there is something worse than flesh eating monkeys and I'm looking at it.  
  
Wu Fei knew what they were immediately, but jumped slightly at their grotesque sight despite trying his hardest not to. he whispered, and coughed when his lungs filled with the foul stench they emitted.  
  
We're surrounded, Captain Heero said as he looked around in a circle. There was no room for an escape.  
  
Duo said sarcastically, I hadn't noticed, but thanks for pointing it out. He was feeling extremely frustrated, plus he hated zombies and they weren't too fond of him either. Impulsively he swung his torch at one causing it to jump backwards and make a horrible screech. Too bad zombies aren't ultra flammable, he muttered under his breath and stepped closer to the rest of the group.  
  
Trowa did his best to comfort Quatre, but all the comfort in the world couldn't help this situation. So he put his arm around the fragile blonde, and held out his torch as a warning. Of course, zombies are much too stupid to heed warnings, and many got burned by stepping too close.  
  
The pirates were quickly reduced into a small ball with their backs to each other, not a good defensive situation. It wasn't even a good situation period, unless you had a thing for zombies. They were moving in closer, their bony fingers with sagging flesh were almost touching the disgusted pirates when all of a sudden a loud screech broke the silence.  
  
What have we got here? The shrieking voice asked, and pushed past the zombies blocking its view. The pirates saw a bent over woman in rags, and covered with dirt. All but Quatre recognized her instantly, but of course Quatre had never met her. Unfortunately, she recognized them as well.   
  
she screamed showing her toothless mouth. This time you've come too close to save yourselves. Tie them all up. . . she paused and focused on Quatre, except him. You're coming with me.  
  
In a manner of seconds the zombies had overwhelmed them and pulled Quatre out of Trowa's grasp. He looked back at his comrades being tied to stakes, what could he do to save them?  
  
The hag pushed him into the largest grass hut, and he began adjusting his eyes to the much dimmer light. There was a man lying on a mat in the corner and he looked alive, to Quatre's relief.  
  
Pulling out another mat, the hag patted it. she commanded and picked up something made of bones. Quatre lied down and glanced over at the man on the other mat again, and gasp sitting up.  
  
The hag asked looking up from her work.  
  
Quatre ignored her and continued to stare at her guest. he whispered finally, and crawled over to wake the sleeping man.


	8. Zombies Why Did it Have to be Zombies?

Zombies. Why Did it Have to be Zombies?  
  
The four remaining pirates were trying to keep from throwing up as the countless zombies tied them each to stakes. Trowa watched in horror as the horrible voodoo priestess lead Quatre away. What did that hag want with him? What would she do to him in the privacy of her hut? The thought was too much to bear, and Trowa swallowed hard. Losing his dinner over zombies was one thing, but losing it to the thought of a dirty voodoo priestess on top of Quatre was another. Plus, he preferred to keep his dinner right were it was.  
  
The ropes around their wrists were tight, and Captain Heero looked over at Duo. His braid was hanging over his chest, and his eyes were focused on the ground. He's probably sleeping, Captain Heero thought and shook his head. But no matter how much he complained about the braid boy he knew how important he was. Duo was the type of guy who could get things done no matter what. He was also good at getting himself out of sticky situations, and it doesn't get much stickier, or stinkier then zombies. The Captain only hoped Duo hadn't lost his touch.  
  
If he worked harder he could probably get the ropes loosened, Duo thought with his head hanging. Better not let them catch on to what I'm up to, not that zombies are smart or anything, and he continued to work. He couldn't believe he hadn't figured it out sooner, but there was nothing he could do about that now. It was up to him to get out of this mess and prove to the high and mighty Captain Heero that he was worthy of the deceased Captain Hook's crew. Perhaps even his outfit.   
  
Wu Fei had never felt like such a weakling before in his entire life. Nothing was going as planned and things just kept getting worse. He had to prove his worth to Captain Heero soon because he could already see his affection waning. It was that Duo character, Wu Fei told himself, but I'm way better than him and I'll prove it to the Captain. With that he began furiously trying to devise a plan of escape.  
  
Quatre repeated and his voice caught in his throat. He shook the sleeping man violently, and fought to hold back the tears threatening to break through his eyes.  
  
The man sat up with a start and he focused on Quatre. Quatre? What are you doing here? he asked, visibly shocked.  
  
Uhhh, it's a long story father. Why are you here? Quatre wanted to avoid the truth of his situation as long as he possibly could. Plus, he was very curious as to why his own father was sleeping in a grass hut that belonged to an evil voodoo priestess.  
  
I was sleeping Quatre, the rest is none of your concern, the older man said.   
  
Quatre nodded passively.   
  
I know why you're here, son, Mr. Winner said when he noticed his son's dismay. It was quite possible that he could be useful after all.  
  
Quatre's eyes widened with fear. You do?  
  
Yes, you're here with Captain Heero Yuy's crew. I can't believe you became a pirate Quatre. I thought you were going to take over the family business, but now I don't know what to do with you. Mr. Winner smiled to himself.  
  
But father, I. . . . I'm sorry I disappointed you. I can still run the family business, and I won't be a pirate anymore either. Quatre begged in a desperate attempt to win back his father's trust. He hoped it worked, but then what about the other pirates. And what about Trowa?  
  
Mr. Winner chuckled silently to himself. His plan was working wonderfully. Quatre was as gullible as he'd always been. All right, Quatre. I'll forgive you, but don't slip again.  
  
Quatre nodded and forced a smile. Funny, he thought, I don't feel as good as I should. He knew the reason for his dismay, it was tied up outside.  
  
The morning rays of sun broke through the trees and roused the pirates from their exhausted sleep. Captain Heero looked at his rag tag crew. They were his responsibility, but this situation seemed so entirely hopeless he wasn't sure what to do.  
  
Then his pondering was interrupted by a rustling in the main hut, and the emergence of the hag. She noticed Captain Heero was awake and gave her best toothless grin while attempting to remain coy.  
  
Good morning pirate Captain Heero Yuy. It is so nice to have you as a guest. She leaned close to him and her stench almost brought tears to Captain Heero's eyes.  
  
I can't say the same, he managed and turned his head away.  
  
I'm glad you're the only one awake because I have a proposition for you. She smiled again.  
  
Captain Heero was very uncertain as of what to make of this situation so he nodded, I'm listening.  
  
Her smile widened showing the extent of her toothless gums and she continued: I will let all of your crew except the blonde one go.  
  
He looked at the hag suspiciously, what's the catch?  
  
You have to remain with me as a permeant love slave. The hag said and grabbed Captain Heero's unmentionable.  
  
He gasped and gagged at the same time, which is not a healthy combination. What!?!?! I'd rather die.  
  
Then Duo looked up from his stake, that's not fair Heero. You have a chance to save your crew and you throw it away, some captain you turned out to be. Duo noticed the change in Captain Heero's posture as he contemplated what Duo said. Now, Duo would never stay with this hag, but he loved messing around with Captain Heero. And even in times of immense crisis he couldn't help a crack or two.  
  
Captain Heero was very seriously debating what Duo said. If I stay my crew is saved, he thought, but then I have to be with. . . . He gagged again as he glanced at the hag before him. This is going to take a lot of thought, and I sure wish I had some diet rum. With that he disappeared back into his contemplation.  
  
While he was thinking the other pirates began to wake up, and Duo couldn't resist in filling them in on the hags little proposition. After they recovered from the initial shock and their nausea subsided they were understandably concerned.  
  
Wu Fei started, Captain Heero can't stay with that hag. Who will be our captain?  
  
Duo shrugged, me, I guess.   
  
I would not serve you as my captain, Duo Maxwell. You aren't even worthy enough to wear Captain Heero's uniform, Wu Fei accused with great conviction.  
  
That's not even his uniform, Duo refuted, it's Captain Hook's. I bet it still has his name sewed on the inside of it.  
  
Trowa butted in, what about Quatre?  
  
Both pirates looked at him for a moment and shrugged. This was not good, Trowa thought, and looked at the hut Quatre had gone in the night before. Be safe Quatre, he plead, and bit his bottom lip.  
  
Will everyone stop arguing!! The hag shouted and poked the captain with a stick. What is your answer? I haven't got all day, you know.  
  
Captain Heero awoke from his thought's and gazed at the loyal faces of his crew members. I will stay.   
  
Captain, no!! Wu Fei shouted.  
  
Trowa dropped his head and began to weep.  
  
Duo stood in shock, his eyes locked with Captain Heero's. I can't believe he choose to stay, Duo thought.  
  
Captain Heero finally looked away and turned his head toward the hag. What is your name than, hag?  
  
She smiled and moved closer to him so her eyes burned into his. I am the Voodoo Priestess Relena.


	9. Secrets, Lies and Dirty Voodoo Priestess...

Secrets, Lies and Dirty Voodoo Priestesses  
  
Quatre had slept unsoundly throughout the night but hadn't dared to venture beyond the hut. He didn't know what to do except listen to his father. He really didn't have any other options and his father did know best. They're just pirates, Quatre tried to convince himself. But he couldn't help remembering the other night when they had all eaten and laughed together like old friends. It was the most fun he'd ever had in his entire life. And then there was Trowa. He may be a pirate and have very bad taste in fashion but Quatre liked him. A lot.  
  
Quatre, are you awake? Mr. Winner asked shaking the blonde boy.  
  
Yes father, I am.  
  
Good. I want you to go somewhere, Quatre and you must do as I say, Mr. Winner said looking very serious.  
  
Quatre nodded. Where? And what must I do?  
  
A smile spread across the older man's face at his son's agreement. You shall see.  
  
After the Voodoo Priestess Relena revealed her identity to Captain Heero and his crew she ordered the zombies to untie them all. Blindfold them and take them back to the beach, she instructed the zombies untying Trowa, Duo, and Wu Fei. Although she ended up untying them on her own because it is a far too complicated task for a zombie to complete.  
  
When she was finished with them she began to untie Captain Heero. You're coming somewhere else, she said and winked.  
  
Captain Heero's features bent in disgust but he said nothing. He was committed to his fate in order to save his crew.  
  
All of a sudden one of the zombies fell into the large fire and began to run around trying to put its self out. This caused the other zombies to run around as well and Relena had to start yelling at them to get away from the huts and get some water.   
  
Duo took the opportunity to get close to Captain Heero and continued to untie him. I can't believe you were really going to stay, Duo said and tried to keep a smirk off of his face. It didn't work.  
  
Yes, well I had to do everything I could to save my crew, Heero said nobly.  
  
You didn't have to do it to impress me, Heero, Duo said as he pulled on an extra hard knot.  
  
Why would I do it to impress you, Duo? Captain Heero snapped, but felt his cheeks go warm.  
  
Wu Fei shouted all of a sudden and pushed Duo aside. I shall be the one to free the captain! and he began to work furiously at the knot.  
  
Duo stood back and let the Chinese man take over, then he smirked at Heero who instantly looked away.  
  
Trowa had dried his tears and was trying to be as stealthy as possible as he looked for Quatre. But he wasn't Duo and stealth didn't come naturally to Trowa so he just ran around with the zombies looking in huts and calling Quatre's name.   
  
Soon Relena got the zombie put out, and although it was a bit crispier than before it was still functional. Then she noticed the pirate crew trying to free her newly acquired love slave and ran over to stop them.  
  
No, the sexy Captain Heero is mine! she cried and ran at Wu Fei.   
  
He jumped out of the way when he saw her coming. He would do almost anything for Captain Heero. But touching that woman was not one of them.  
  
You were trying to escape! she yelled at the still tied captain.  
  
Well, can you really blame him? Duo said, Being your love slave or running away, well I think he would choose option number two.  
  
Relena's eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. You think so. I can make sure you are never another persons love partner forever! she growled.  
  
came a cry from one of them. The one who was wearing a suit like Captain Hook's but in bad need or repair. Captain Heero.  
  
As Quatre's father lead him away from the hut he tried to look for Trowa, but he didn't find him. All he could see was the zombies running around mindlessly with one of there number on fire. But Quatre swore through all the commotion he heard someone call his name.  
  
Mr. Winner said pulling the boy's arm. Come we need to walk faster.  
  
Quatre obediently pulled his eyes away from the scene and followed his father. Please, be okay Trowa, he whispered to the breeze and began to trek into the jungle.  
  
They walked for a while but it didn't feel nearly as long as the walk the night before had. And soon the trees cleared away to make room for the sand and surf. To Quatre's surprise there were ships in the distance. One was a ship he recognized and the other he knew he'd seen before. It was surrounded by a green mist.  
  
Everyone present turned to look at Captain Heero and everyone looked equally stunned.  
  
But Captain, Wu Fei began, why would you care about the rat Duo's future lovers?  
  
Not that I mind the concern, but I'd like to know as well Captain Heero, Duo said quickly replacing his look of shock into his customary smirk.  
  
Well, it would just be a shame, that's all, Heero said without making eye contact with anyone.  
  
I suppose he's right, Wu Fei. To lose one's ability would be a shame, Trowa said. And the Captain does look out for us in all sorts of ways.  
  
Wu Fei rolled this around in his head for a moment and came to the conclusion that it was a satisfactory explanation. It is good to know you would be so concerned, Captain, he finally said.  
  
Heero didn't respond but Duo was boring a hole into Heero's head with his eyes. Yes, Heero, thanks for being so concerned with my future love partners.  
  
Relena finally shouted when it was convenient for the author. I'm not concerned with any of your future love partners! As far as I'm concerned you won't have any future love partners!  
  
Captain Heero glared at her and his normally stagnate features moved to accommodate it. You said they could go if I stayed.  
  
I know, the voodoo priestess said and smiled, I lied.  
  
The other three pirates looked at her in minor shock, but since they were pirates betrayal was really nothing new to them.  
  
How dare you, witch! Wu Fei shouted. What do you plan to do with us?  
  
Relena only laughed and the pirates all gagged. I will use you for something very important, of course.  
  
This doesn't have anything to do with gold and an ancient curse, does it? Duo ventured.  
  
Relena said. But you will be horribly sacrificed for no good reason.  
  
Let me join them, Heero finally said. I should die with my crew.  
  
said Duo, do him a favor and let him die with us. Anyway, I couldn't stand it if you out lived me, Heero.  
  
Relena laughed even harder than before and once again the pirates gagged. And give up my brand new love slave? Never!   
  
Then she began barking orders at the zombies again. Take the prisoners to the preparation hut!   
  
I don't like the sound of that, Duo said as the zombies began to surround them.  
  
I'm sorry, Captain, Wu Fei said shamefully.  
  
Trowa nodded toward his captain. If you get out of this will you make sure Quatre is okay?  
  
Yes, Trowa, Heero said and looked at Duo. I can't imagine you dying before me. Don't let it happen.  
  
But Duo didn't get a chance to respond because the zombies had all ready started to push them away.   
  
You have someplace else your going, Captain Heero, Relena said as she finished untying him.  
  
Captain Heero only shuddered.


	10. A Ghost Pirate of a Chance

A Ghost Pirate of a Chance  
  
What's going on, father? Quatre asked as he stared out at the ships rolling gently in the distance.  
  
You are going to board a ship and go home, Quatre, that is what is going to happen. Your mother will be pleased to see you, of course.  
  
But those ships! One of them is The Zero Star and the other. . .   
  
Mr. Winner cut off his son mid sentence. The other is my dear friend and colleague.  
  
Quatre sat for a moment thinking about it, but no matter how he looked at it, it didn't make sense. But that other ship belongs to the Ghost Pirate Treize, father, he finally said.  
  
A smile spread across Mr. Winner's lips. No Quatre, it belongs to me.  
  
Duo tried to push back the zombies and yell to Heero but there were just too many of them. Finally, he resigned himself to being pushed because he was getting very noxious. If there is anything I hate it is getting pushed around by the undead!! he said and held a hand up to his mouth.  
  
Trowa only nodded in agreement, his face all ready green.  
  
They are extremely unpleasant bastards, Duo. But we have worse things to worry about, Wu Fei said through his plugged nose. What do you think that witch is going to do to our Captain?  
  
Probably something really unpleasant, Duo said and for once didn't laugh. Whatever gross sexual act she had in mind was no laughing matter to the braided thief. But I am a bit more concerned with our problem at the moment.  
  
You don't think we'll be turned into zombies too? Trowa finally managed when they reached the hut.  
  
Both Duo and Wu Fei looked at him and were suddenly much more worried about whatever was in store for them.  
  
When Relena got Heero into her hut she immediately tied him to a makeshift bed.   
Don't want you going anywhere, she teased as she finished the last knot.  
  
Don't remind me, Heero deadpanned although his mind was in a advanced state of panic. What do you plan to do to me first? he asked although he had no desire to hear the answer.  
  
You'll see, and I know you'll like it, Captain, Relena said as she sat on a floor mat and picked up a rather intricate bone necklace. I have a little bit of work to finish before we can have fun. But it won't take too long.  
  
Take all the time you need, Heero said as relief flooded over him. He still had a little bit of time before something really bad happened. And now all he had to do was get free, rescue his crew and the Winner boy and escape an island overrun with zombies and a horny voodoo priestess. Yes, it was all a piece of cake for the most feared pirate on the high seas. Only, he couldn't seem to get the knots undone.  
  
Quatre's mouth dropped open and he sat like a gapping fish for about five minutes before speaking again. But father, that means the ghost pirate Treize has been using your ship to rob and plunder villages for years!  
  
Mr. Winner began to laugh. Yes, it does. It always amazes me how naive you are, Quatre. How do you think we got so rich in the first place?  
  
Well, your business, of course, father.  
  
And what do you think my business is? Mr Winner asked and chuckled again.  
  
Shipping, and things like that. Which is why you despise pirates because they are bad for your business, Quatre answered. This seemed to be a silly game to him. What was his father getting at?  
  
No, I despise pirates because they are competition!  
  
But father, why would a pirate be in competition with you unless. . . . the light bulb in Quatre's head finally went off, you're a pirate too!  
  
Mr. Winner nodded. I'm glad your expensive education wasn't a waste.  
  
Quatre thought about what all of it meant for a moment. His own father was a pirate. That made him a pirate's son. No wonder he'd felt so at home on the ocean and in the company of other pirates. No wonder he had loved the taste and texture of diet rum. He was a pirate. It ran in his very blood.  
  
Now that we have all that cleared up. You will board the ship and wait for me to return, and then we will go home.  
  
Quatre's eyes drifted out to the ships in the distance. The way they floated on the water was like a beckoning dance to him. Yes, of course.  
  
When Duo, Trowa and Wu Fei entered the hut they were greeted by a large man. He was past middle age but very tall and had unkempt white hair. His face was horribly scared and he gave a new meaning to the word ugly.  
  
he said in a high nasal voice that none of the pirates were expecting.  
  
Yeah, welcome yourself, Duo spat. What the hell do you plan to do with us?  
  
And it better not have anything to do with zombies! Trowa added.  
  
The old man laughed. That idea scares you huh, little pirate? Don't want to be a brainless slave to the Voodoo Priestess Relena?  
  
Weakling! Of course we don't! Wu Fei shouted.  
  
Well, then it's a shame that we have too many zombies to began with. It would have been fun to remove your brains. Then the old man smiled and revealed that each of his teeth had been filed down to very sharp points. The pirates reacted visibly by taking several steps back.   
  
What are you gonna do with us then, Hannibal Lector? Duo asked, although his voice wasn't quite as sarcastic as usual.  
  
Then the old man began to cackle and roll on the floor.   
  
What is he doing? Trowa asked after a couple minutes.  
  
Well, he obviously found something funny. But, I think he's insane, said Wu Fei.  
  
Duo and Trowa both looked at Wu Fei for a good minute but neither said anything. They both figured it wasn't the time or the place to point out the Chinese pirates lack of sanity.  
  
As the old, crazy man continued his fit of giggles Duo crept toward the doorway of the hut. But he was meet by two very large and muscular zombies. Umm, I guess there is no escape that way, he said as he leaned back in.  
  
the old man said and stood up once again. You will not escape! And we must start the preparations for the ceremony.  
  
The Voodoo Priestess Relena worked for a very long time on the bone necklace and Captain Heero worked on getting the knots untied. But it was to avail. No matter how he struggled they just didn't get any looser.  
  
You won't get them undone, love slave, Relena said without looking up from her work.  
  
Captain Heero only glared at her.  
  
I was in the girl scouts for many, many years and believe me I learned how to tie excellent knots.  
  
I should have know you were an ex-girl scout, Captain Heero said, the foulness of their ways is written all over you!  
  
Who said I was an ex-girl scout? she asked and looked up at the struggling captain. I am a troop leader in Orlando.  
  
Captain Heero continued to glare but toned down his struggling. He had let his emotions get the best of him for a moment. But then, he really hated any organization that discriminated against people based on their sexual preference. He decided to rest and wait for the right time to make his escape. He only hoped Duo and the others would still be alive.


	11. The Preparation

Authors note   
  
gomen nasai!!! I had midterms last week so I had to study all last weekend and didn't get anything written until now. But, on the plus side, next week is Spring Break. . . .   
  
The Preparation   
  
Quatre slowly rowed himself out to the pirate ship docked next to The Zero Star. It was even larger than Captain Heero's ship and surrounded in a perpetual green fog. To be honest he was quite frightened of being alone on a ship full of ghost pirates but his father had assured him that he would come to no harm.  
  
When he reached the ship he finally noticed the name on the port side, The Epyon. For some reason the name made him shudder. As Quatre got closer he noticed a rope ladder hanging down and rowed underneath it. He rowed over to it and began his ascent.  
  
It was slow going swinging back and forth above the angry sea, but he finally made his way to the top and fell over the edge onto the deck of the ship. Slowly, Quatre began to rise and he noticed a pair of feet standing fairly close by. They were clad in a pair of very shiny black boots and lead up to a pair of legs wearing what looked like white stretch pants. Quatre ignored the fashion faux pas and continued to look up at the blue jacket with extraordinarily long tails. Then he saw the man's face. He had a straight nose with dark blonde wavy hair and wore an expression of slight interest as he looked down at the young man by his feet. It was the ghost pirate Treize.  
  
Quatre slowly got to his feet but still Treize said nothing. Quatre looked around and noticed other ghost pirates floating about in the fog, but he wasn't interested in them.   
  
My father will be here shortly, Quatre said and the look of Treize's face changed from mild interest into a definite frown. And Quatre noticed something else, a bone necklace was hanging around the ghost pirates neck and emitting the same green glow as the fog. But the color was fading.   
  
Heero had been still and pensive for what seemed like a very long time but still no brilliant plans of escape had occurred to him. He hoped the hag would untie him before she tried to have her way with him. But then, even though she was horribly ugly he couldn't convince himself of her stupidity. She had caught him and his crew, after all.  
  
The entire time he spent trying to devise escape plans, the Voodoo Priestess Relena worked on her bone necklace. It looked about as intricate as one could make a bone necklace and she seemed to be putting the finishing touches on it. Then there came a knock at the hut's door.  
  
Relena looked up and smiled, come in.  
  
At the invitation a tall middle aged man entered the hut. He had to bend down in order to avoid hitting his head and he looked, with barely disguised disgust, at the voodoo priestess before him. He didn't even glance at Heero.  
  
Is it ready? he asked, his voice slightly anxious.  
  
Yes, the necklace is complete, Relena said. We only have to perform the ceremony and then it will be ready.  
  
The man nodded. And do we have everything for the ceremony?  
  
Relena looked up at the man with her toothless grin. Maybe. You don't want to give us your son? He may be useful.  
  
The man seemed to weigh the option for a moment. No, he is all ready too far away. Who do you have? he asked and looked at the tied up captain.  
  
Relena followed his gaze but wagged her long, crooked finger in his face. No, no, no. He is not for the ceremony. He is mine. Then she threw Heero another of her toothless smiles. He was only happy he could barely smell her for that distance.   
  
Is it the rest of his crew then? the man asked and smiled.  
  
Yes, all three of them.  
  
the man said and definitely sounded annoyed. Well, at least I'm killing two birds with one stone. And as for you, Captain Yuy, the man said as he looked at Heero again, I'll give Treize you're regards.  
  
The crazy man in the hut forced the remaining members of Captain Heero's crew to take off their skirts. It's for the ceremony, he demanded and pointed out of the door. You don't want me to call a zombie to do it for you, do you?  
  
Duo said as he began to remove his black vest and white piratey shirt, but I don't see what this has to do with the ceremony. Maybe that freak wants to see if she made the right choice with Heero.  
  
Wu Fei huffed as he removed his shirt. She would obviously not choose anyone as pathetic as you. She would want a man with upper body strength. And both Captain Heero and I possess that.  
  
Duo was about to laugh but then he looked at Wu Fei. To his utter dismay the Chinese pirate was right. He was quite fit with a very nicely built chest. I've just got a swimmers body, Duo mumbled.  
  
More like a twelve-year-old girl's body, Wu Fei said laughing.  
  
Duo glared at him and prepared to take a punch but Trowa held him back. This is no time to fight you two. We have more important issues to think about.  
  
Yeah, like trying to get out of this mess, Duo said and glared at Wu Fei.  
  
And rescuing the Captain, Wu Fei returned the glare.  
  
Trowa nodded, and finding out what they are going to do with our clothes. Crazy man, I don't want any zombies touching this. It's H&M and was very expensive.  
  
Don't worry about your clothes. You won't be needing them, the man said and pointed at the door. Now get moving!  
  
Trowa reluctantly put down his designer shirt and followed his fellow pirates out of the hut.  
  
Quatre watched the green light around the necklace waver for a few seconds. There was something very odd about this whole situation, not that being on the ship of a ghost pirate wasn't odd enough. But there was something about the Ghost Pirate Treize that was sad, almost lonely.  
  
Do you like working for my father? Quatre finally ventured.  
  
Treize's frown only increased.  
  
I guess you can't talk anymore since you are a ghost and everything.  
  
Treize said nothing but slowly moved his transparent hand to hover above the necklace.  
  
You and my father have been very profitable business partners, that must be nice. Quatre didn't know why he kept talking to a silent ghost, but he felt too nervous to just remain quiet.  
  
Treize's eyes narrowed and he glared at the boy in front of him. His hand still floating above the necklace.  
  
I wonder what they are going to do to Trowa and the others. I hope it is nothing bad. . . . Quatre trailed off. He looked at Treize and Treize's hand. That's an interesting necklace. It looks a lot like the one the voodoo priestess was making.  
  
Treize's eyes went from being narrow to wide and his hand grasped at the piece of jewelry around his neck, but his hand just went through it.  
  
Noticing the ghost pirates frantic fit, Quatre decided to do him a favor and reached for the necklace himself. What does this thing do anyway? he asked as he pulled it through the ghost pirates transparent neck.  
  
It binds me to your father's bidding. And I'm very glad you removed me from it. Quatre Raberba Winner.  
  
Heero only glared at the man. He didn't have time for mindless banter. He had a crew to rescue.  
  
Just then a old, ugly man entered the tent. They are ready for the ceremony, Relena.   
  
The voodoo priestess smiled and looked up at Mr. Winner. Shall we go watch then? This should be fun.  
  
Of course, the man said and made a face.  
  
What about him? the old man asked and pointed at Heero.  
  
Relena considered it for a moment. I guess he should be allowed to watch. Will it turn you on, Heero?  
  
You horrible hag!!! Heero yelled. Of course it doesn't turn me on to watch my crew get killed!  
  
Relena only smiled. Well, I know what will turn you on.  
  
Heero couldn't help himself and let out a small laugh. You don't have anything that would turn me on.  
  
Relena glared at him, well, you're going to watch anyway. Bring him out and tie him up. She commanded the old man, who rushed to obey.   
  
He began to untie Heero and then smiled. That Chinese fellow was right, you have a very nice chest.   
  
And Captain Heero was deeply disturbed.


	12. On the Usefulness of Obscure Ceremonies

On the Usefulness of Obscure Ceremonies  
  
Quatre took several steps away from Treize and looked down at the necklace in his hand. The green glow was even fainter and the fog around the ship was beginning to clear up.   
  
I am ever so pleased to have you aboard the Epyon, Treize said as he fingered the hilt of his sword.  
  
Quatre nodded. Thank you for having me, he said as all the lessons on good manners took over for his confused brain.  
  
Treize merely smiled at him.   
  
You didn't want to work for my father then? Quatre finally said after the ghost pirate's smile started to unnerve him.  
  
Of course not, Treize laughed. Mr. Winner rose my crew, my ship and myself from the dead to do his bidding. We were having quite a nice time at the bottom of the ocean.  
  
I'm sorry he did that. He doesn't always understand other people's feelings.  
  
No. He is a truly selfish man. I am surprised you are his son.  
  
Quatre smiled, for all that he had heard about the ghost pirate Treize he really wasn't that bad of a guy. Why did my father want you to work for him? Why didn't he just become a pirate himself.  
  
Treize laughed again. Mr. Winner a pirate? He gets seasick on a tube ride. He's keeps the company that makes Dramamine in business.  
  
Quatre nodded slowly. He was learning so many new things about his father and none of them were good. He had forced Treize to work for him, and he was a lousy land landlubber. I can't believe it! My own father gets seasick! he cried out in anguish.  
  
Yes, I know it is a shock, Treize said in a soothing voice. But from what I've seen you make a very good cabin boy. I've never seen a cleaner ship than the Zero Star.  
  
Quatre said and smiled slightly. What do you think is going to happen to the rest of the ship's crew?  
  
A dark look fell across the ghost pirate's face. Oh, something terrible indeed. I am assuming they will be sacrificed in order to make a new binding necklace for me.  
  
Quatre gasped. But Trowa and the others. We have to rescue them!! he said and began to look around franticly.  
  
We don't have to do anything, Treize said, but we will help. For a price.  
  
Relena, Mr. Winner, and the strange old man with Heero in tow headed out of the little hut and began to walk away from the village. They passed through a small patch of trees and then out into another clearing.  
  
Heero tried struggling with the old man, but he was incredibly strong for his age. Plus, Heero was still rather disturbed.  
  
The clearing had nothing but a well right in the middle of it surrounded by a large circle with markings Heero didn't recognize. The stones around the well were stained with a dark substance that Heero knew must be blood. It could have been spilt ketusup but he had a feeling there weren't too many barbecues taking place in there.  
  
Here we are, Captain, the old man said in what can only be described as a mocking tone. Then he began to tie Heero up to a large palm tree at the edge of the clearing.  
  
Relena and Mr. Winner were making last minute preparations. The old man hurried to help after he finished tying up Heero.  
  
I'm coming, he called as Relena squawked at him to hurry up.  
  
Heero scanned the rest of the clearing and saw his loyal crew and Duo being held by some very big and ugly zombies. Their hands were tied behind their backs and their shirts were gone. Wu Fei did have a rather nice upper body, Heero thought, he must have gotten it from working out to all those Bruce Lee movies. Trowa was tall and slender but well defined. Then Heero looked at Duo. He hadn't seen Duo shirtless in a long while. He was slim and wiry, the perfect swimmers body.   
  
Heero noticed Duo looking at him after a moment and he tried to give him some sign of reassurance. But there was nothing he could do. He had completely failed as a captain, and he would pay for it with the rest of his life.  
  
Suddenly Relena appeared very close to Heero's face and he moved back quickly and knocked himself in the head. My poor baby, she cooed and petted the back of the captain's head.  
  
Heero held his breathe because he already felt light headed, that mixed with Relena's fowl odor would render him unconscious for sure.   
  
You should be fine, she said as she finally removed her hands and stepped far enough away for Heero to breathe again. He was nearly blue. Well, finer than they are going to be a few moments, anyway, she indicated his crew and smiled.  
  
Heero merely glared at the voodoo priestess and looked back at his crew, longingly.  
The braided thief was the only one looking back.   
  
Relena moved farther away and Heero began to rub his ropes slowly on the tree. I can still free myself, he thought, I can still save them.  
  
Then Relena yelled, let the ceremony began.  
  
The crew of the Zero Star were being held very securely by some giant, stinky zombies. Duo had long ago given up trying to struggle. It only made it worse because they would swing at him with their decaying hands and leave little bits of zombie flesh where ever the strike fell. It just wasn't worth it.  
  
Someone's coming, Wu Fei said. He was the first person to speak since they had left the hut.  
  
Trowa looked up, but then looked down despondently when he noticed it wasn't Quatre. We are going to die like a couple of sacrificial chickens, he said softly.  
  
Duo spat giving a fleeting glance in the direction of the voodoo priestess and her cronies. That is no way to think about it. I can get out of this even if Captain Heero can't.  
  
Wu Fei shot a glare that would have invoked the death of a small child or very old and frail woman. Captain Heero has probably already escaped and is planning a brilliant rescue at this very moment!  
  
Oh really, Duo said and smiled. Is that the same Captain Heero that is tied to that tree.  
  
Wu Fei looked in the direction Duo had indicated with his head. The braided pirate was right. His captain, his hero, was helplessly tied to a tree. And to make matters worse Heero wasn't even looking at him, but at Duo. Wu Fei looked away and began to sulk.  
  
Duo, however, didn't take his eyes off of the restrained captain. Not even when the voodoo priestess yelled for the ceremony to start and the zombies began to push them toward the well.  
  
Quatre cried as soon as Treize finished.   
  
The ghost pirate smiled for a moment. That is quite an offer, my lad.  
  
I will do anything for them, for Trowa, Quatre said softly and bit back a sob.  
  
Very well. We will help you rescue the crew of the Zero Star, but you must let us go back to the bottom of the sea.  
  
  
  
Treize smiled again. And, I want to kill your father.  
  
A. . . . Quatre stopped himself. Kill my father?  
  
Treize nodded. After everything he has done to me, I must have my revenge.  
  
But, he's my. . . .  
  
Yes, but do you want to save your friends or not?  
  
Quatre thought about if for another moment, but he knew there was no time to loose. The ceremony could have already started. he said with less conviction.  
  
Very good, indeed, the ghost pirate said. We set sail at once! he called to his phantom crew. We need to head due east to the beach and look for a drain pipe!   
  
Duo, Trowa and Wu Fei were pushed right up to the lip of the well. It wasn't a very big well, maybe five feet across at the most. But it must have been very deep because the light didn't reach the bottom. It was swallowed up by the darkness and the pirates were left staring into the void.  
  
The old man joined the pirates and was now brandishing a big, curved knife. Relena was inside the circle holding the necklace, and Mr. Winner was nearby but not in the circle, a look of triumph on his smug face.  
  
Let me guess, Duo said, you're gonna cut our throats and throw us in this well, right?  
  
The old man shook his head and laughed. You have it all wrong, or partly wrong. We aren't going to slit your throats. You would die too quickly and he wouldn't like that, the old man said and looked into the well.  
  
You mean there is a person in the well? Wu Fei asked. What does he want to do to us?  
  
Not a man, the voodoo priestess said as she approached, a god.  
  
The three pirates merely looked at her.  
  
A god? Duo said, right and I'm a saint.  
  
I don't care what you are! she shouted so loudly that they all jumped. Now, it is time. And she walked a little away from the well but still well inside the circle.  
  
Captain Heero was sure the rope was starting to unravel when the ceremony began. He was scrapping it so hard on the tree that his wrists were severely rope burned and bleeding, but saving his crew was more important than that.  
  
He watched as Relena began to chant in very bad French. He wasn't really sure what she was saying, but it had something to do with monkeys and chickens doing things they really shouldn't do to each other. Only someone as perverted as the voodoo priestess Relena would sing something like that.  
  
Then the chanting stopped and Relena walked up to the pirates. She held out the necklace and the old man held out the knife.  
  
The Epyon reached the drain pipe in record time. In fact, Quatre had no idea a ship could travel so fast, but he supposed it had something to do with the ghostliness of it.  
  
Treize jumped into the row boat Quatre had tied to the side and Quatre hopped in after him.  
  
I just hope we're not too late, Quatre said as they neared the pipe.  
  
Treize nodded in agreement, but for a very different reason.  
  
When they reached it the ghost pirate floated inside and Quatre scrambled to follow him. It was a large drain pipe, big enough to walk in. And there was a trickle of water coming out of it.  
  
Treize shouted and Quatre began to run with him into the pipe, into the darkness.


	13. The God of the Well

Gomen nasai!!! FFN took down my account so I had to create a new one and repost the whole story. I probably won't update until sometime next week b/c I have finals this week. Enjoy 

The God of the Well  
  
He'd been in the well for a very long time. Even he had lost track of the years as they drifted by. He had grown accustomed to it. The dank and darkness of the well didn't bother him anymore. He even let most of the rats scurry by, grabbing one or two to eat of course. There was plenty of fresh water, it was a well after all. In fact, he wanted for almost nothing. But he did enjoy the brief and subtle breezes that would blow down the well every now and then, carrying with them the salty fresh air of the ocean.  
  
He was currently propped up against the wall, naked (hey, he lives in a well!) His hair was slightly matted to his face and he was gently dozing. In the distance he could hear feet running, but they were still a long ways off. And they would never get in, not that way. The only way in and out of the well was the entrance from the top and he knew it was constantly guarded by those damned zombies.  
  
Suddenly, in the middle of a pleasant dream his eyes flashed open. He smelled it. Blood.  
  
The old man brought the knife down on Duo's arm first. He made a deep cut and Relena held the necklace under the dripping blood. Duo didn't flinch. The old man then did the same thing to Trowa and he cried out in pain and then began to sob. Duo and Wu Fei pretended not to notice, and Relena let the bone necklace get a nice new blood soaking. Finally, she and the old man moved to Wu Fei. He glared at her defiantly as the old man cut him and Relean caught the blood on the necklace.  
  
Now what? Duo spat. He was very annoyed that this ceremony was taking so long. Plus, he really wanted to get away from Trowa while he cried.  
  
Relena said nothing but went back to chanting. None of the pirates saw the zombies come up behind them, but they felt the decaying hands on their backs as they were pushed into the well.  
  
Heero watched in horror as the man cut Duo's arm. He had no right to make it so deep, the captain thought as he worked feverishly to get free. He only glanced up when Trowa screamed, but then he'd known the tall pirate would. He was just too sensitive. Finally, Heero felt the last part of the rope break. He was free.  
  
But just as he pulled away from the palm tree the zombies came up behind his crew and gave them a great shove. He watched as they all three disappeared into the well.   
  
he yelled in true Hollywood fashion and ran toward the well at a break neck speed. He dodged a couple of zombies and bowled over the old man that tried to get in his way, grabbing the knife in the meantime. Then he plowed past Relena and made a flying leap toward the well. The tips of his fingers barely managed to get a hold of the bloodied necklace, but they did.   
  
Heero landed on the edge of the well. He took one last look around him before plummeting into the darkness. And as he fell, with the knife and Relena's necklace he heard a cry from above, the shrill horrible cry of a jilted voodoo priestess. Heero smiled ever so slightly.  
  
Quatre was sure they had been running for miles. The light from the mouth of the tunnel had long ago vanished and he was being lead by the dim glow of the ghost pirate in front of him. He was panting and very tired. Quatre might make one pretty wench, but he was no athlete. The closest thing to a sport that he ever was involved in was chess.  
  
Are was getting closer? he panted as he tried to pull the dank air into his ragged lungs.  
  
Yes, it isn't much farther, Treize said, as though commenting on the weather. I wonder if he is still alive down here?  
  
W. . .w. . . .who?  
  
An old friend. He is very special. I don't think this well could have killed him. As Treize finished his sentence he floated up to a set of bars blocking their way and stopped.  
  
What's this? Quatre asked as he struggled to catch his breath.  
  
Bars built to keep him in, Treize said as he reached his ghostly hand through them and smiled.  
  
But how will I get through to rescue Trowa and the others? Quatre asked as he rattled the bars. He knew they had been running for awhile and he needed to hurry. Trowa could be long dead by now and it would have been all his fault.  
  
I'll be back, Treize said as he floated through the bars, and I'll try to rescue your friends.  
  
The three pirates landed on top of each other with a splash and a thud. The water at the bottom of the well was only about waist high and they had to struggle for a moment to disengage themselves from one another.  
  
Well, that was fun, Duo said as he started wringing out his braid.  
  
Only you would say that, Wu Fei said while he held his arm.  
  
Trowa was looking up at the top of the well and the dim light that made its way to the bottom. We'll never climb out of here. My shirt is gone forever.  
  
That's no way to talk, Trowa, Duo said and forced a smile. We can get out of here and get you a new shirt.  
  
Trowa nodded slowly but Wu Fei wasn't buying it. How do you plan to do that? If Captain Heero can't even save us how can you?  
  
Captain Heero this and Captain Heero that. He can't do everything, you know. I was right along side him on Captain Hook's ship and we were equals back then. And I can do anything he can, so damn it, I can save myself, and Trowa and even rescue Heero from that disgusting woman just to prove to him I can do it!  
  
Wu Fei still wasn't convinced and he was about to say so when they heard a scream from above and a body fell in the water next to them. Quickly, they backed up and prepared for the worst, a clumsy zombie or that crazy old man. But to their surprise it wasn't either of those.  
  
Duo spat, shocked but relieved and slightly annoyed all at the same time.  
  
Heero said shaking out his drenched locks. How is your arm?  
  
It's fine! Duo shouted and turned away to sulk.  
  
Trowa leaped forward and hugged his captain tightly. Thank you for coming, Heero. I was afraid of what the voodoo priestess was going to do to you. Did you see Quatre?  
  
Heero slowly shook his head and squeezed out of Trowa's grasp.  
  
I knew you would escape, Captain, Wu Fei said.   
  
Heero merely nodded and held up the knife and the necklace. I managed to steal these too. I think they will come in handy down here. The necklace was glowing an eerie green and shed a good amount of light in the dark well.  
  
Fine, you escaped on your own Captain Heero. Can we please get out of this well? Duo said.  
  
It shouldn't be a problem now that we are a crew again, Wu Fei said as he beamed at Heero who was trying to ignore him.  
  
But didn't that old guy say something about a god being down here that wanted to eat us? Trowa asked as they began moving through the water.  
  
That's what the knife is for, Wu Fei said and shook his head.  
  
A knife? What is that going to do to me? A new voice said. It was low and throaty, but kinda sexy. The pirates quickly looked up and saw a pair of glowing eyes in the darkness.


End file.
